In the mid 2000’s, I had a website where I sold vintage illustration jewelry. For each category I wrote a description. Within the Girl Sleuths subject was a sub category of just Nancy Drew pins. Instead of describing the dust jacket art, I decided to write a little ditty using Nancy and her entourage for my own twisted purposes. When reading try to remember what the issues of the day were, and maybe you’ll get the intended jokes–if they worked as jokes to begin with. LOL.
Nancy Solves Everything
Bess and George crowded around the shiny thing in Nancy’s palm.
“What is it?” exclaimed the one named George, whose goal was to become a gym teacher and perhaps start the first girl’s wrestling team.
“Is it chocolate?” queried slightly chubby Bess, who was determined to shed a few pounds and maybe get out from under Nancy’s shadow.
“Is it a clue?” they both gasped together on cue.
Nancy flicked her perfect flip behind her delicate shell ears, lighted the item she held in her left hand up to the stainless steal flashlight and examined it closer.
“I do believe this will solve everything!” she ejaculated in capital letters.
George decided to take a shot, “Is it the lost deed to the African underground diamond mines ‘owned’ by the Rev. Pat Robertson?”
“No”, Bess loudly disagreed. “It must be Mr. Bush’s missing National Guard duty records!”
“NO, no, they both chimed in together, with knowing smiles. “If it’s solving EVERYTHING, it can only be proof of weapons of mass destruction, right Nancy, right?:” they excitedly demanded.
“Oh, nothing so mundane as any of those trivial things, ” replied Nancy. ” It’s a Picture Perfect Design pin, and it matches my girl sleuth outfit perfectly. NOW I can go to the Snoopers Society Ball with Ned!!,” Nancy stated with equanimity.
Bess and George stared unbelievingly at Nancy’s serene countenance. And yet, they followed their chum as Nancy buffed her Manolos with the end of her Burberry sweater and walked towards the Mercedes roadster,
“No Nancy, no popularity” ran through their minds as they brought up the rear. And the pin WAS really really nice.
Another disaster averted, another mystery solved, another perfect day for our daughter of a wealthy lawyer, and top girl sleuth!